Wednesday, July 7, 2010

44 Days to go - The Other Side of the Mountain

Was all that I could see.

Hey.  You know that whole thing about being freaked out because there were only fifty odd days until "the" day?  ROFLCOPTERZ!  That was nothing compared to how I feel with only 44 days to go!  Seriously.  The psychosis has already set in.  And it is only going to get worse.  Here are the characteristics of an individual who is going through "pre-first 100 miler, at Leadville, at elevation, with very little training, and questionable sanity to sign up, and never having finished an ultra, and not being very good at running in the first place, pre-race craziness" looks like (and I haven't even started the taper! LOLROFLCOPTERZSPINAROUNDONFLOOROFWORKPLACELONG
ENOUGHFORTHEMTOCALLSECURITY!"?!!?!
HAHAHAHAHAWHOARETHESEMENINWHITESUITS?!?!?)

Symptoms:
51 Days to go - ponders buying every piece of running gear known to man, just in case they might "need" it
50 Days to go - buys a bunch of it
49 Days to go - gets informed by a pacer that the pacer is being deployed out of state and won't be able to pace
49 Days to go + 5 minutes - pulls self off floor and says, "that's nice",  cries a little, on the inside, in a manly, blubbering sort of way...
48 Days to go - Runs up and down Pike's Peak with one of the pacers, decides running really isn't for me...again
47 Days to go - Checks the training plan, just to see exactly how many weeks behind the plan they are; throws up in mouth
44 Days to go - Returns from blog silence to post another rambling miasma of freak-out craziness.

(The next parts are speculative, seeing as I haven't got there yet...)
40 Days to go - Ultra blog reading and research reaches a new pitch, decides herbal remedies are the route to a sub-30 hour finish and replaces every stick of Body Glide with balls of bat guano.
30 Days to go - gives in to urges and signs up for a fifty mile trail run two days before Leadville, "just to make sure I can run that far."
25 Days to go - Mental state devolving;  decides that a couple two hundred mile weeks would do wonders.  Actual running: two hundred yards.
20 Days to go - puts in a bid on Ebay for Michael Jackson's hyperbaric chamber to do elevation acclimation.
15 Days to go - Full taper madness and the ultra freak-out coalesces.  Runner is found hiding in the trees behind his house, with various flavors of GU smeared on his body as war paint.
10 Days to go - coma.
5 Days to go - Runner finds peace and tranquility.  Mostly by recreating scenes from Man vs Food reruns.
1 Day to go - Accepts the ridiculousness of the task and prepares to run the race.
0 Day - Alarm clock has multi-level meltdown and runner sleeps through the start.

Ha.

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