Day 440-441 - Kindly ignore this post

WARNING:  If you are one of the individuals who keeps getting to my blog by using the google search terms of "man running and pooing" then read on, I'm sure you'll be interested.  Those who don't, consider yourself forewarned.  

My longest run ever, so far, by at least .8 miles or so.  Back on the marathon training plan wagon.  14 miles in a whole heck of a lot of time.  I did six 2.35 mile loops to try and simulate water stops.  I think the stopping at the stops for extended periods of time added much more time than intended.  Then I added a total of about 1100' of elevation gain over the whole of the course (hills?  I loathe thee)  Finally, I ate something that blew through my gastrointestinal system and midway through the sixth loop forced an immediate and urgent pit stop.  Its funny how if you've been running a few miles and the G.I. duress hits, you still struggle and try and think "I can make it back to the house."  You clinch and waddle even more and then if you're fortunate you can get back.  If you've been running a couple of hours, then the fighting instinct has been completely obliterated and your mental conversation goes something more like "gee I hope I can make it two steps to the side of the road before I take a dump in my pants, but if I can't that's really OK."  Thus there was stooping and pooping.  The unfortunate part was that I discovered during the "finishing phase" that there was no grass in this area, only topsoil and small rocks.  Thus after "using" both hands, they became "coated".  This became even more unfortunate when the G.I. decided it had more deposits to make.  The end result of this wonderful story is that I wound up running the last mile and change with gravel in the nether regions.  I'm sure the neighbors across the street were applauding the effort.

I'm a little concerned about my pacing and actually finishing in under six hours, but next time I'll see what my time looks like without the squat-thrusts toward the end.  (kindly ignore the profligation of puns in that last sentence.)  

440 1.0 in 11:16
441 14.1 in 3:15:55 (includes a whole lot of "rest area" time?)


Vava said…
Man, that's hard core! A bit on the gross side (and thanks for the warning), but definitely hard core.
C said…
Holy moley! I'm totally following Marcy's advice from here on out. You are a true dedicated runner, my friend. :)
CoyoteGirl said…
Oh wow! I just wouldn't wipe, seriously. Deal with the aftermath at home.

I had to do this on a trail a while back. It was on a switchback through the woods on steep mountain. GI distress + balancing act on mountain side + hoping that no one would come around the corner + nice view.
Aka Alice said…
Got here from Marcy's blog...and read on because I've soooo had the same problem, but (thus far) have always managed to make it to a rest stop of some sort (one of the reasons I don't run in the wilderness :-))

One time was close, and since then I always carry paper of some sort with me (tissue, a trail map, anything will do, right?)

Thanks for're too funny!
raulgonemobile said…
Marcy pointed me over here.. wow! What a story!

I like her advice regarding this, and I think I'll have to follow it
Mary Gee said…
Holy Crap! I have my own stories, but I admire your willingness to tell yours!

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